Zo, I have been getting into ze role of an septua-octo-or even nonagenarian German war-criminal ten-part-documentary-series in ze making.

Zis has been fun. Zere have, however, been some difficulties. It is not ze age zat has been problematic, it was ze accent zat was causing me trouble – untold trouble – at first. I even begged ze Führer Director for Lillian to become Russian for zis production. But alas, no. Zo, I watched some interviews of ze old Dietrich. Zis has helped.

Zere are some striking similarities between myself ant Lillian:

We bos are prone to making ze sharp comments.

We bos take up a lot of space, and expect ze attention from ze oser people in ze room.

We bos still sink we have ze nice legs, olt or not.

We bos go on ant on about being olt.

We may bos appear hard as ze olt (jack)boots, but we bos have ze secret fears: are we too olt to be lovet? Shoult we be afrait of ze dying? Ant, ze most terrifying of our soughts: is zere smoking in heaven?!

We bos have ze secret soft spots:

We may bos carry ze torch for an olt flame for quite some time.

We bos love ze actors.

Zis has helped, too. Zo, if zis is what being septua-octo-or even nonagenarian is about, it doesn’t feel too different from being me. Ant stop it already, I am nowhere near being zat olt in ze real life. Olt, yes, but not zat olt, and besides, I still have ze nice legs.

Is zere smoking in heaven?