Okay, so I was asked to write something about "the scene" my character, Rodney, has. In all honesty? Everyone I've told about the scene seems to be more taken aback by it than I am. I don't quite understand why, to be frank. It's a challenge, sure, but I feel very happy about challenges, when it comes to acting. That's why we do this in the first place, right? To challenge ourselves as individuals and to go to uncomfortable places, to find or re-discover something about ourselves.

As anyone who's met me for a Nanosecond will know, I'm not a big, strong guy. Never have been. And I'm quite alright with that nowadays, thanks to the support of good friends and the greatest girlfriend God ever put on planet Earth. But that wasn't always the case, to be honest with you.

There are several "media-sexy" expectations for men as well, and as a teenager, apparently I wasn't meeting those expectations: I was Constantly ridiculed at school about how skinny I was. How I "wasn't enough" somehow, as a guy. And I will admit, it's not like I was helping my case: the classic sports always seemed dumb to me, and like a waste of time. I was always more interested in books, and dancing, acting, music. Those were the things that moved me, Not running around chasing a ball during PE classes.

So now, doing a scene like this, after all of these years? It feels quite good, I must say. Not nerve-wrecking or terrifying, on the contrary, it feels oddly Empowering, actually. Almost like, the second I do it, I'm saying to all of those guys and gals who gave me shit about my appearence back then: "Look at me now, skinny Mikael Kivimäki, showing his birthday suit in front of an audience! Without shame, without fear. I may be still the skinny bastard, but look how I outgrew you in spirit! Look at me Now, you motherf**kers!"

Text: Mikael Kivimäki
Photo: Anni Taponen

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