Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Pilot, played by Tom Gilder, speaking. We are about to experience some turbulence at The Reading, so please wear your seatbelts. Or something.

When asked about his favorite line as the eccentric pilot, Tom quotes: “Gentlemen, thank the overlord Belrog that I’ve found you!”

And as if you needed any more reason to question the sanity of this character, Tom’s favorite Pilot moment is when he is controlling the weather! Or… well… erm, trying to.

You’d think that a seasoned pilot would start to be a bit particular about where he lays his head at the end of a long day of having people’s lives in his hands, but when asked about his hotel preferences, our pilot reports that anything goes! As long as it’s near an airport, preferably with a view of the runway. By far his favourite hotel is JumboStay in Stockholm…. where he loves to stay in a decommissioned 747.

Now, imagine this. Our Pilot has a very exciting pitch for what could be the hottest new erotic novel on the market. It would be called: Enter the Cockpit: Engage Full Thrust — the scandalous story of a lonely pilot stranded in a remote airport during a snow storm, with only the four flight attendants for company. The heating fails, they need to huddle close for warmth, and someone suggests raiding the drinks trolley. And before you know it, there’s a demonstration of how to pull the… straps… to tighten. Raise the landing gear, extend the flaps, and be prepared for someone attending to every aisle. Just be sure to apply your protective equipment before seeing to others: for a safe flight, and to ensure there’s no baggage to collect later.

As for his stay at the Hollydae’In, the Pilot gives it 33.35 picostars! Wait… what? Sorry, he needs a drink.

Photo: Jaakko Nikkilä
Text: Salvador Esparza & Tom Gilder

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